Yes, yes, we all have embarrassing moments sometimes. Sometimes we wear the rival college’s color to our freshman year football game and have forty thousand people yelling at us to “take off that red shirt, take off that red shirt”, while we’re just humming along “da da da da da, da da da da da” until we look up and realize they’re talking to us. Or sometimes we take a tumble when we’re a lil ti’sy out on the town. But whatever, we just walk em off and go about our business. No big deal.
But other times, we do things of the far more serious nature that are not quite as easy to shake off. Actions taken ‘in the name of love.’ Behavior that prompts our backpage friends to feel the need to have an intervention of sorts with us:
Cherie, you are NOT to do this again. I’ve been letting this slide because everyone is entitled to a few mistakes, and have actually been encouraging your doings in the hope that you would get it out of your system. But I can’t keep silent any longer. You’re embarrassing us. You are NOT to do this again.
Which, interesting enough, I took to heart and ended up transferring into other areas of my life too. I told my old boss, who loved to have me redo projects until I was blue in the face for no apparent reason, “Aaron, I am only doing this ONCE. I am not doing this again.”
To give you a little example of this type of acting up, I’ll start with someone else’s embarassing moment so by the time we get to mines I’ll be nice and warmed up.
Milford, United States
One time I had been talking to my backpage friend’s brother from San Francisco on the phone. We were just blind phone dating though, since we’d never met nor exchanged pictures. When we finally did meet, there was no chemistry for me. Instant unattraction. Unfortunately he didn’t feel the same way.
I kind of feel like he should have known that I wasn’t into it, because when he tried to kiss me at the end of the night I turned the cheek. Isn’t the cheek a dead giveaway? Cheek = not interested.
Anyway, twenty minutes later, I got a phone call saying that he’d thrown his gum away in the car and now he couldn’t find it. He was calling to make sure it hadn’t gotten on my nice leather purse. “Nope, purse is just fine. G’night.” Thirty minutes later, I got another call, hoping he hadn’t been too forward when he’d tried to kiss me. “Nope. Don’t worry about it. Night night.”
Can you believe the phone rang again for the third time? I couldn’t bring myself to answer it though. Stop it Jeremy Piven from Swingers, I insist. You just stop it right now. You’ll thank me in the morning.
I felt his pain though, because I’ve been there. Where you know you need to stop, but for some reason you can’t. You just keep digging the hole deeper and deeper.
Okay, I’ll stop hemming and hawing and share my backpage stories with you now. All I ask is that we don’t speak of these events ever again. They never happened, capiche?
Story Number One:
Just like John West, I ‘Thought I Was’ in love. I really did. Maybe the extent of how far backpage people will go is directly proportionate to how hard they fall. Cause I fell hard. When I went to Santorini without him, you could hear his name being yelled across the whole island. “Jean Pieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!” There were messages being sent in a bottle and all kinds of nonsense.
After Greece, everything was just fine and dandy for a while. Then he started losing it for me. The thrill was gone. He was obviously trying to give me the boot, but I just couldn’t accept it. He was breaking dates left and right, and I kept on taking it. Playing myself big time. I should have nipped that behavior in the bud by leaving him, but no, that’s not what you do when you’re ‘in love.’
In my defense, he wasn’t exactly being straightforward with his words. (He was like a little kid, “Use your words Jean Pierre, use your words.”) His actions made it obvious he didn’t want to see me, but he kept insisting that everything was fine. And I so wanted to believe him that I let all the bad behavior slide.
That turkey could do whatever he wanted, and I kept acting like nothing was wrong, belittling myself the entire time. I should have parted ways much earlier, but I kept telling myself he was ’scared’. ;0) Us girls’ favorite line. There sure are a lot of petrified backpage guys running around if we’re right, aren’t there?
For example, one time I was at a bar right by his house. Like next door. I was basically downstairs in his building. I called him to tell him I was there, and he said he would stop by. A couple of hours later, and he calls and says, “Hey, I’m in Marina Del Rey! But I really wanted to see you!” Translation: I’ve been running in the opposite direction of you to get as far away as I possibly can, but now I’m going to tell you what you want to hear.
He was deathly afraid of communication, and whenever I would tell him that we were going to talk because I’m a girl and that’s what girls do, I would have a huge protest on my hands.
So eventually we stopped talking altogether, and a month later I ran into him at The W. He already knew I was there since I’d seen his backpage friends first, and had called me so we could meet up since the W’s a big place. I hadn’t answered though because I’d just gotten a new phone and am very technically challenged. Good thing I do computer stuff for a living, huh?
When I saw him and told him about my phone issues, he goes, “It’s really not that hard to press the talk button.” What a jerk. So rude. But of course I taught him to treat me like that. Afterward, (figures), I came up with the perfect comeback too. “I didn’t know you knew how to use a phone since I never hear from you! If only I’d known you were such a pro!”
That was my first time being broken up with though. And hopefully the first cut will be the deepest, because I’m not so sure I can take that pain again.
And you’d think I’d have learned my lesson, right? You’d think. But unfortunately, there’s no shortage of love lessons to be learned for me. Enter ‘Cherie’s Embarrassing Moments’ Round Two:
When Ben called me to tell me he was too busy with his three jobs and school to start seeing me seriously, I took his words at face value and believed him. I should have learned my lesson from the Jean Pierre fiasco that their actions tell you all you need to know, but trust me, I’ve sure got it now.
So when I hung up with him, I consulted my friend on the whole situation. The sitch. She was convinced that we just needed some fun time together and kept saying “He needs to get his nose out of a book and start thinking with his d*ck! He can’t be sacrificing his love life like that. You need to call him right now and drive over to see him.” And for some reason I got all riled up and I called him. (I know. I have NO idea what I was thinking. I went temporarily bananas. NO idea.)
But it gets worse. Of course my call didn’t work, because he said he had to study that night. And I responded with exactly what my backpage friend had said, word for word. “You know Ben, you’re a young backpage guy. You should be thinking with you d*ck rather than having your nose in a book all day.”
Oh. My. God. Unbelievable. WHOT! I still can’t believe I said that. I’m having a hard time even writing it. And I said it?
Not exactly Cherie at her best. I mean, I’m shy! One time, I liked this guy Anthony Johnson who worked on another floor in my building. When I finally had a chance to meet him, I had built it up too much and couldn’t go through with it. My friend Oscar knew how much I liked him and was physically pulling me by the arm, “Let’s go! What’s wrong with you! Let’s meet Anthony Johnson!”, but I couldn’t do it. Too overwhelming. But I guess I have no qualms telling backpage people to live a little and think with their D’s.
I redeemed myself a little (hopefully) when I called him later to tell him that wasn’t really me saying that but I was just repeating words that had been said to me, but still. Retain some semblance of common sense Cherie. For all of us.
Oh well. You win some and you lose some. I’m just a late bloomer and learned these valuable love lessons a little later than most. I should be happy too; some people never learn. I know better now. And I’m actually glad I could practice on these guys. They’re like scratch paper.
Plus it happens to the best of us. Just happened to be my turn, that’s all. Everybody does it at least once or twice in their life though. Everybody plays the fool.
And remember, don’t tell nobody. Mum’s the word.
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